Several times in my life I have found myself standing at a place where I don’t recognize anything. I am lost. Though there are direction signs there but I can’t trust them. I am looking around, trying desperately to spot something I know but I fail to find anything. I keep looking, hoping I will find something that’ll sooth me. However, as with a treasure hunt only one person finds it, there are times when I am not that person.
The feeling is similar to when you are watching TV (especially in old times) and the channel suddenly blurs. You have to adjust the settings and at times even adjust the antennae or call the cable company to fix the problem. But with life, in most cases, setting doesn’t exist you have to adjust yourself or wait for the time/phase and at times the entire life to pass.
You get desperate. You want change. But it doesn’t happen. You fight, you struggle, you even pray(which I think is the most desperate thing to do because it means you have given up and you are relying on some power whose existence depends on whether your requests are answered on not). What can you do?
The answer to all the above questions lies in you only. I know am not telling you rocket science. But I have seen that the more you trust yourself, more you have belief less likely it is that you will be lost. Or even if you are lost you will be able to find your way back sooner than later.
This blog entry might be a little absurd for some. Some might not relate to it altogether. Others will just discount it as some random piece of nothingness. However, I hope this will make you wonder; think and even realize certain things about our lives.
This article is about the importance Internet plays in our lives today. I think it’s fair to say that it is the most important non-living thing in our lives. In most cases our lives, livelihood is dependent on it either directly or indirectly. However, have you ever wondered that in most cases it is even becoming more important than the living beings?
Now this article might be ahead of its time but where internet is involved the news is old before it is published. So without wasting any more time I will jump into what I feel.
The other day I was chatting to a friend and we were discussing how FB/twitter is the new personal dairy on public display. The status messages range from “I am single again” to “I lost my dog” to “Congratulations so & so for completing donkey years in marriage”. In one instance a person had put up “I am in a bad mood today……my mom screamed at me for no reason”. I don’t want to get into other descriptive messages because some of the status messages are so specific that they the person concerned would know. And I can’t take that risk at a public forum.
Anyway the point I am trying to convey here is WHERE IS THE PRIVACY?? Good to know that you are single again but I don’t give a damn? I hope you understand my point. Now you must be wondering if I am not bothered then I should just ignore it. Yes I have tried doing that but it’s tough to ignore instances in a span of a couple of days the messages have moved from “Saddest day of my life” to the “Best day of my life”. Even if someone lost a loved one, why use FB as your emotional vent? Yes your friends are on it and it’s the easiest way to let them know that you are in trouble so that they can come and stand by you. But with all due respect people who you really want by your side at that moment will not wait for your FB status update.
This brings me to another important point that I feel internet is responsible for or should I say our dependence on it.Internet is governing us so much that it is actually altering the way we live and think. Because we spend a lot of time on it and it is our time. It makes us more self centered. Slowly we start realizing we do not need people as we can chat with them. You do not need physical presence of anyone as long as that person has a chat name. Yes you expect something from that chat name but it’s not like if that name is not green or red you will die. You will chat to some other name that is green/red.
Questions that I feel we need to consider or at least I wonder about:
Is this is making us move away from each other? And actually back firing on the basic purpose of bringing us closer? Since I do not interact at a physical level with you I do not care if you are there. I will miss you online. But I will find someone else soon enough.
Is this similar to our lives where people come and go but now they keep coming and going at a very fast pace. I am not bothered who is there as long as someone is there?
Is it helping us to move on with our lives much quicker?
Ultimately, is it good or bad?
I know all these questions will not have a black or white answer. But I can’t live with grey all the time. Or better still let me look for some green/red and forget about all this.
Today morning while driving to work I was listening a song from a hindi CD that I bought from a desi store. The song was Salam E Ishq title track and it bought back memories of this movie and how I had gone with my college friends (atleast 10 of us) and how much fun we had. The movie was not worth the watch but still that show is memorable and with that song the 40 min drive through heavy traffic and Detroit roads (believe me there are pot holes here too) became a pleasant walk on the beach.
It forced me to think do we actually live in memories?? Or is it just me? There are things that remind you of your past some are pleasant while some make you feel when or if the past will fade away. Unfortunately past never fades, its out there always. It only takes a song or a place or any other sign to bring back those feelings pleasant or otherwise.
So what about the present? We spend so many minutes or may be hours in a day thinking about yesterday. At least I do. Are we spoiling today by dreaming about yesterday? I don’t think so. I am sure I will have some nice and some not so memory of today that I will be reminded of few years down the line.
This reminds me of a dialogue from a movie called Liberty Heights. Its was something like – “Life is made up of a few big moments, and a lot of little ones. I still remember the first time I kissed Sylvia, or the last time I hugged my father before he died. And I still remember that white-bread sandwich and that blonde dancing girl with the cigarette pack on her thigh. But a lot of images fade, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get them back. I had a relative once who said that if I knew things would no longer be, I would have tried to remember better”
Driving on the roads of Delhi you realize one thing that India is not happy. We, as a nation, might be running on the road to prosperity but spend 5 minutes in Delhi traffic and you will wonder either that road to prosperity is media hyped or the road is a lot more bumpy. What’s worse is it injects in the people some sort of venom that comes out in full flow when they are out on the roads trying to fight their way to hell or wherever.
It seems like people while leaving home decide on the traffic rules. In case Mr. X is getting late he is entitled to jump red lights, cut people across lanes and most importantly has the license to curse anyone and everyone who tries to come in between him and his final destination. In case you are from Delhi or any other big metro city for that matter have you ever crossed a happy face in the traffic?
You know the funniest thing is that its not that people don’t want to smile. I tried this experiment while stuck in the peak office hours a few days back. I smiled at everyone who crossed me and to my utter surprise I got around 80 per cent response. That is people smiled back. So why is it that people are normally so stressed out while driving?
I think we tend to associate smile with weakness especially when it comes to holding your space in traffic. Aggression is the key to save five minutes of your travel time. What people do not understand that if everyone had a little more patience and did not try to be the first one in everything, traffic would be much smoother. I wonder if we can all take an oath that for one day everyone will follow traffic rules, be patient, not try to cut others and WILL NOT HONK. I think we can solve at least 30 per cent of our traffic problems in just one day of smooth traffic. I used to be among the impatient drivers but I have learnt a lot of things over the last one year. I hope we all can change. For India to reach the stature of a Super Power in every aspect we need to change our attitude most importantly attitude towards each other. May be roads are a good place to start the change?
Remember to pass a smile to someone you cross while driving. It might start a chain reaction.
One of the most amazing things about my journey from Delhi to Detroit and then back was the two set of emotions that I had to go through. One while I was moving to Detroit and the other when I came back to Delhi. Now that I think about these two different emotions I realize how similar they were. How can I ever forget the tears while entering the Indra Gandhi International Airport, bidding good byes to my beloved family and friends. At that time I had to plans of returning back so soon. I was only grappling with one question – WHY THE HELL WAS I LEAVING INDIA? I would have to start a new life there. I didn't know anyone there. I had no clue how many professional life would unfold. The people who know me can vouch for the fact that I energize myself by interacting with family and friends. How will I make new friends there?
1 year later
…..The only question I had in mind while boarding the flight back to Delhi was – WHY THE HELL WAS I LEAVING DETROIT? As it turned out a year in Detroit has turned it into my new home. My new friends were my family as well. I will never have to thing twice before concluding that my one year in US was one of the best chapters of my life. But since it was not a book but a chapter it had to come to an end. The characters in the chapter will tag along with me as I write the book of my life. So how was it to move back? It was a mixture of feelings. I was happy and sad, excited and sullen. Something I have never felt before. I guess that's how one feels when you move from one home to another….
Lately a lot of debate has been happening on the yet another imported series called “Sach Ka Samna”. Now this particular reality show has created ripples across the globe. It is one of the most controversial show ever. Several countries have actually banned the show after just a few episodes. All this just cause this show brings out the truth?? Now this blog is not to discuss whether this show should be allowed in India or not? That debate was very aptly settled by a Delhi High Court Judge. The ruling was something like this: "Our culture is not so fragile that it would be affected by one TV program. If someone does not want to watch the show they can change the channel" This write up is more to do with the fact that no matter how simple a life you live you also have several dark secrets which if revealed (for money or otherwise) could shatter your life. I was astonished to see common man/woman coming on the show and revealing such facts about their lives that were hard to believe but they were true. I think, like me, most of the people watching the show wonder how could anyone go there even if for the money and open the book of their past. Some of the truths are so disturbing that they would not even acknowledge them in the privacy of their minds. That brings me to another interesting observation. When I am watching the show, I don’t know how many times I wonder that I will never go on this show. No matter what the prize be. Now, come on am sure even you guys would agree with me on this. And I have asked this question to several people and all of them say are you crazy?? The point I am trying to make through all this is that no one is a saint. Then why do we act good? We all have committed sins/deeds that we are not proud of. Then why do we judge others when they accept those things or when we get to know that they have done the same thing or something similar. When deep down within us we know that we must have done the same damn thing or something equally bad or at times even worse. Next time when you watch Sach Ka Samna, try to answer the questions yourself as well, thinking you are sitting on the hot seat. Try to be a little flexible while answering the questions. Since those questions are made keeping the contestant in mind. So look for situations similar to the questions and answer then. Obviously I am not asking you to tell those answers to someone. If you are planning to do that, kindly apply to the show at least make some money from it. Anyway, once you have answered those questions. See how many times you will go “OH MY GOD, THIS GUY IS CRAZY”. I think a lot of times it will be sigh of relieve that you are not there. I wonder why I still get astonished when people tell the truth on the show. May be I am just envious of their guts. Even though they have a chance to win a lot of money by doing so. But if that was reason enough I would be sitting there as well. I guess there are certain truths that should travel with you to your grave. If I have some secrets of mine so do my loved ones. Let’s maintain a status quo on this one.
The other day I was sitting with my friends and we were having beer and listening to music on youtube. Suddenly one of my friends mentioned about a song that used to come on Doordarshan when we were kids. It was called “Ek Chidiya Anek Chidiya”. Thanks to youtube, we were able to find that song and we saw it all over again. Everyone was quiet and watching it, each one taken to his own childhood. I am sure we all got nostalgic.
And suddenly within minutes I was shipped to the “Doordarshan Era”. The time when Chitrahar was awaited for the entire week, even though it was merely on for 30 min and just had hindi movie songs. But such was the charm of TV and the programs then. Even something like Saptahiki (Weekly TV guide) had a cult following. Who can forget the Malgudi days? It made me think, where had that charm vanished now? Why don’t I get excited about watching something as simple as movie music on TV? I decided to stop thinking about it then in order to continue enjoying my beer. However, I did make mental note of it and decided to think about it when I was on my own.
So here I am on a Saturday evening sipping yet another beer and writing this. I am thinking about a typical Sunday I used to have when I was in school. Sunday mornings were all about the Junglebook, Mahabharata, Alloo Parantha and a game of cricket. That was the time when I used to look forward to Sundays. It was a family day and a friends’ day. There was something special about each Sunday though most of the activities were the same.
I think as the time passed apart from age there was something else that took the charm from the ever green Sundays. I think as we started having more options. With each new option we moved away from the basics.
crazy and sane, funny and boring, drunk and sober, sleepy and wide awake, peaceful and restless, good looking and ugly, good and evil, bright and dull, lost and found, geeky and cool, dumb and intellectual....
Trying to figure out who I am....hopefully life is long enough to find the answer....
