The uneasiness of being there for the first time……
Today I landed in Germany, my first time. Though, I think I have traveled a lot over the last two years but still I can not get over the initial feeling of uneasiness. The feeling is similar to the one that a kid gets on his first day in school when the mother leaves him inside the school gate and the gate closes. For the small boy it’s the end of world. He cries, screams kicks the gate, can do anything to get back to the world he knows. Uncertain of what lies ahead he refuses to turn around and walk inside the school until he is literally dragged inside. For him the world as he knows till now includes his house, his family and few friends he made while daily trips to the parks with his mom. And there is he suddenly somewhere he has never seen or experienced on his own (atleast initially), who does he trust, who to ask for food when he gets hungry? Who will he run to when he suddenly gets frightened by some shadow or his imagination running wild?
The same feeling has dawned on me every time I have stepped out of my house to be on my own. Be it my first day in school, college, office, Dubai, US, Mumbai, US again and now Germany. Since the time I have landed here I have been trying to get out of that feeling but with little success. If I was a kid right now I would have been kicking the door and trying to get back to where I have come from. But then I am 25 years now (ok ok let me cherish the last few hours of quarter life), I am not allowed to do that. So what do I do?? I instead sit and write all this.
And guess what is the funniest thing, whenever I go through this feeling, its not that I am missing US (cause that’s home now) but it’s the comfort of my Delhi home. I miss the sense of security you have knowing very well that there is someone you can run and hide behind in case your imagination runs wild. A murmur can bring your mom, your father in your room. And here I am in Germany where even my scream will go unheard.
But another thing I have learned over the last 2 years. This feeling is temporary, eventually the kid falls in love with his school and he no longer stares beyond the gate and think when he will go home.
Today I landed in Germany, my first time. Though, I think I have traveled a lot over the last two years but still I can not get over the initial feeling of uneasiness. The feeling is similar to the one that a kid gets on his first day in school when the mother leaves him inside the school gate and the gate closes. For the small boy it’s the end of world. He cries, screams kicks the gate, can do anything to get back to the world he knows. Uncertain of what lies ahead he refuses to turn around and walk inside the school until he is literally dragged inside. For him the world as he knows till now includes his house, his family and few friends he made while daily trips to the parks with his mom. And there is he suddenly somewhere he has never seen or experienced on his own (atleast initially), who does he trust, who to ask for food when he gets hungry? Who will he run to when he suddenly gets frightened by some shadow or his imagination running wild?
The same feeling has dawned on me every time I have stepped out of my house to be on my own. Be it my first day in school, college, office, Dubai, US, Mumbai, US again and now Germany. Since the time I have landed here I have been trying to get out of that feeling but with little success. If I was a kid right now I would have been kicking the door and trying to get back to where I have come from. But then I am 25 years now (ok ok let me cherish the last few hours of quarter life), I am not allowed to do that. So what do I do?? I instead sit and write all this.
And guess what is the funniest thing, whenever I go through this feeling, its not that I am missing US (cause that’s home now) but it’s the comfort of my Delhi home. I miss the sense of security you have knowing very well that there is someone you can run and hide behind in case your imagination runs wild. A murmur can bring your mom, your father in your room. And here I am in Germany where even my scream will go unheard.
But another thing I have learned over the last 2 years. This feeling is temporary, eventually the kid falls in love with his school and he no longer stares beyond the gate and think when he will go home.
Looking forward to tomorrow now :-)
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